The kingdom

Kingdom obsession. I am becoming wrecked. Jesus said abide in me. He is the vine. There is no life apart from him. What if I lived like that. I feel like I am entering into a whole other realm. I have sold most of my things and given up my job but it does not even feel like a sacrifice. I am beginning to really get the parable of the priceless pearl. The kingdom is so much more than we could ever dream and worth every sacrifice along the way. Those of us who are wealthy find it much harder to enter the kingdom. So much stuff and so many distractions along the way. We are rich in the world yet ever so poor in the kingdom. Barely survuving off of crumbs when we were meant to feast. Consoling ourselves and justifying our experiences yet remaining kingdom paupers. I feel like my experience with the kingdom is getting nearer. There are moments where I enter and receive all that is needed and faith joy and peace unspeakable flood my entire being. A part of me knows I am meant to live...to abide here yet my mind is still being renewed and I seem to drift in and out of this promise...this kingdom coming...this heaven on earth. Never before have I been so acutely aware of jesus call to pray that His will would be done on earth as it is in heaven. In heaven there is continual praise and no question of His goodness. He is goodness itself. Love itself. There is no lack. There is no want. There is only perfect peace and joy. I find that now that God has stripped me of everything I am able to long for the one thing that truly matters. The King and His Kingdom. There are a few prayers I have prayed that have driven my life...they have driven every decision to consciously bend my will when He has asked things of me I did not want to give. They are the prayers He holds in His heart and answers above any other cry in my fits of rage or saddness, loss or willfulness. It is the simple prayer of a fifteen year old girl captured by the love of Her King and drawn into the mystery of the call to follow. It is the prayer that no matter what happens that He would never let me get away with less than everything for Him. In those sweet moments of childlike surrender and complete rapture in His presence I signed my life away to follow Him and bring Him glory. He has been faithful to this one prayer. When I have wandered, when I have questioned, when I have served and when I have walked bold facely away He has never let me go. He has broken me, He has bent my will, He has humbled me, He has consumed me and when I thought I was ready He has called me even deeper into surrender and faith and I can see it is all worth it for just a place just a seat in His kingdom. There are glimpses lately through the fog of religion and wealth I am seeing a promise become clearer and clearer. The closer I get and the more I let go the more simple and obvious it becomes. It is all about Him and He is so good. He is so good. The most beautiful gift on earth holds no comparison to the King and His Kingdom. Will we lay down our lives for Him. Will we joyfully surrender to Him our status, our wealth, our accomplishments, or relationships, our things and will we join with Paul in saying I count it ALL a loss compared to the supassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord for whose sake I have lost all things...i consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ and be found in Him... such freedom and cannot be described and no words can substitute for the joy of walking in this Way. How I have longed for this and I see I am onlu just beginning...