Worth the sacrifice

I received a letter from Roland's assistant today.  He was very gracious and encouraged me to trust in the Lord although they do not take long term missionaries who have not been through the school.  I am not disappointed because my hope is in God.  There are so many possibilities that I find myself wondering what God is going to do.  He is so creative.  One option is that I could get accepted last minute to go for 16 days with Global Celebration and then be asked to stay on until the school begins.  I like this option the best.  I wish I could be in Mozambique tomorrow.  Another option is that I work until October and go to the training institute and get asked to stay on for three more months.  This would conflict with another word I believe the Lord has given me but I am just learning to hear His voice and I am more than willing for Him to show me I am wrong.  I also like the idea of working and saving money.  I could get a job serving and substitute in the day.  I was going to ask a friend to support me while I am preparing to go by allowing me to stay in their house rent free so I can save and prepare.  I am going to sell my car and bike around Vacaville.  Selling my car means no gas bill, no car insurance and no sneaky maintenance bills.  I think my car costs me close to $500 dollars a month.  I'm just going to keep poking around and see what doors the Lord opens up.  I have complete and crazy peace about turning my teaching job down for next year.  I could make a lot of money subbing during the day and serving at night.  Health insurance is going to cost me more money than I want to pay.  It is so freeing to begin selling things and minimizing so that I can follow the Lord and follow my dreams.  I feel like a new person.  God knows me so well.  The last year and a half has been very painful for me as I have maneuvered around and through grieving and forgiving and confusion and all that last year was; but God has been with me through it all and the crazy funny thing is is that if I had known that this would be the outcome this is what I would have chosen.  If God had laid it all out before and said, you can have this or this...you can have what is in your hand or you can give it to me and you can grieve for a year and a half and then be catapulted into your dreams and destiny and be filled to overflowing with my Spirit and receive an anointing that opens blind eyes and deaf ears and leads you into the fullness of what I want to do in this hour...I would have chosen the second option lol.  I feel like I'm on the edge of my dreams...or of Gods dreams...actually our dreams.  I look forward to learning how to love and learning how to believe.  I'm expecting to have everything change.  God always does a new thing.  He is always moving forward.  He is always revealing new facets of His glory, more depths of His ways.  If we will just listen and place our head against His chest and feel His heart beating.  If we will take His hand and follow Him even if it means losing everything we will find there is a twinkle in His eye and a strength in His love and that His kingdom is truly the most fascinating adventuresome life giving experience that is cloaked in mystery yet lovingly revealed to those who will humble themselves and lose everything.  Lose their dignity, lose their possessions, lose their safety net, lose their agenda, lose their ideas, lose their dreams, lose their pride, lose yesterdays manna, lose their understanding, lose their loved ones, lose their life.  Is that not what Jesus said it would cost to be a disciple.  "Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters--yes, even one's own self!--can't be my disciple.  Anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." And on the other side of all that loss is the most glorious, indescribable joy as you enter into His Kingdom.  And you laugh and walk into the joy and adventure and the loss means nothing lol.  "For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame!"  I find myself entering into the Joy!  The joy of His kingdom; the joy of Him.  There is no fear here lol.  I have nothing to lose and only Him and His Kingdom to gain!!!  God asks difficult things of us sometimes but on the other side of obedience is Him.  Jesus.  Life.  Joy.  Peace.  Freedom.  Purpose.  Vision.  Hope.  And a life of living carefree in the care of our creator and seeing greater things than Jeus did! Lol.  Can you imagine??  Thank You Jesus.  You are worth all of it!  You are worth every sacrifice...in fact the sacrifice seems so puny and insignificant in light of You and all that You promise.  I love You.  I'm following You :) and whatever will You do next?

Waiting

Today I wait.  I am getting paid tomorrow.  I have done everything there is to do until I get paid.  My application is in, the e-mails are sent.  I think I'll try to work on the book I'm reading: Quantum Glory.  It is a hard read because of the scientific nature.  I have to ready so slowly.  But it is blowing my mind.  I'm very thankful God has forced me into the scientific world.  So fascinating!  I highly recomment this book for anyone who has an inquistive or scientific mind.

Fun story:  I met a beautiful woman from the Congo yesterday.  She was so excited to hear that I was going to Africa to receive and learn from the African people.  She misses her home so much!  We will do coffee soon.  I prayed for her hip to be healed.  She made my day.  Her spirit was a reminder that I am meant to go. 

Not much more to report than that.  I'm going to enjoy my day off and wait some more :)

Walk it out....walk it out

June 28 2011

Its a rainy day in Vacaville.  Very unusual for this time of year.  I am sitting in my living room listening to the rain and pondering how in the world I'm going to get to Africa.  Lol!  I have felt the call and I sense His voice and I am stepping out knowing that He will create the pathway for me.  I have a calm inner peace and butterflys of excitement all at the same time.  Could this be the time?  I am daring to hope that it is.  I will listen to Him and if He shuts the door I will wait and know His word will be fullfilled another time in another way yet my spirit leaps inside of me at the possibility that now is the time.  I have been following Him long enough to know that although His nature is consistent He is unpredicatable.  I must follow His voice and remain attached to Him not an idea.  He is the desire of my heart.  Make a way Lord!  Fulfill Your purposes in me and for me and for those You have called me to reach!

I need:  finances, an invitation from Iris ministries to stay for three months prior to the school, acceptance into the school, a roommate to take my place here in vacaville, to sell my car for $2500, enough money to travel and live there for 6 months, health insurance, plane ticket. 

I wrote my letter for the Ghana trip last week and I wrote my Mosambique letter in faith today.  Lol.  The Lord must be pleased.  He loves faith.  I love giving Him what He loves :)